Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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