I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
