the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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