Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
