Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
