just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
