I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
