see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My bed smells like the plague
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
