Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
