How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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