dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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