My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
