I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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