I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Drunk is not a location!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
