remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
