just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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