I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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