The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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