guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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