He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
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Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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