watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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