You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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