it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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