I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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