quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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