i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
