His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
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Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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