he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
