you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
