They should really pass out barf bags in church
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
