he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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