i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
