Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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