Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
