Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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