Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
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There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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