I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
