Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
