Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
