i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
