i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
