I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
