mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
