Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
