Don't make out with my wife yet
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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