i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
