He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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