u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
