Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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