Ambien. No doubt about it.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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