I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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