on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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