She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
