Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
