I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
