Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
