i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
