i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
