we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
