I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
