The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
