Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
