a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
