Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
