i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
