Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
