weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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