Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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