Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
