If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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