all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
